WHEREAS, the party of the first part, (carapace_green) is sick to death of her #$() novel;

WHEREAS, The Party of the First Part has been banging away on said novel for OVER A YEAR, and has not yet finished;

WHEREAS, the Party of the First Part actually seems further from finishing than she was back in December; and

WHEREAS, the Party of the First Part really wants to write short stories, knock-knock jokes, or, fergodsakes, ANYTHING except her *#$( novel;

The Party of the First Part hereby pledges that if, at 11:59 p.m. on August 20, 2005, if she has not completed a decent SECOND DRAFT of her novel, suitable for showing to strangers, non-writing friends, and/or Big Mr. Agentpants, the Party of the First Part will print out the ENTIRE draft of the novel on paper the color of Pepto Bismol, and will, while carrying a portable music device playing R. Crumb and His Cheap Suit Serendaders' "Fine Artiste Blues," dance madly up Denny Way toward Broadway, handing out said sickly pink fiction-leaves to passers-by, tucking them under windshield wipers,stuffing them in mailboxes, etc. A special limiited selection of pages with quarters attached will be made for distribution to the local Homeless and/or meth-head population. Once relieved of all pages, the Party of the First Part will return to her home, where she will DELETE said novel from her computer, thus consigning the unfortunate conceit to complete non-being. She will then GET ON WITH HER FARKAKTE LIFE, unencumbered.

The Party of the First Part hopes that capn_jil will come up to Seattle for this blessed event, to document it, and to make sure that The Party of the First Part does not weenie out on any provision of this (admittedly rather dorky) contract. Though the Party of the First Part is tentatively appointing capn_jil her "second" in this inane duel with herself, all, absolutely all, are more than welcome to come to Capitol Hill on the appointed night to witness this revolting spectacle. Costumes are encouraged. Booze will be served.

In the event that The Party of the First Part DOES finish in time, there will be no revolting spectacle, but there will still be booze, and lots of it.

Love always,

VEG